


Illegal Love

by CasuallyJinxed, LegendaryFanby



Series: The Coffee Shop AU [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Video Blogging RPF) - Fandom, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 1990s, Abuse, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Ambushes and Sneak Attacks, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Child Abuse, Coffee, Coffee Shops, Cussing, Danger, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Florida, Forbidden, Forbidden Love, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Rights, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt, Illegal Activities, LGBTQ Themes, Love Confessions, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Physical Abuse, Prequel, Slurs, Swearing, Teen Angst, Violence, logicality - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-11 06:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasuallyJinxed/pseuds/CasuallyJinxed, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendaryFanby/pseuds/LegendaryFanby
Summary: The year is 1994.Setting: Florida.Logan, at the ripe age of 18, has just graduated high school and is striving to earn his bachelor's degree so he can become a teacher.Patton loves life, he loves his family, and he loves a particular customer who comes into the family's café daily.The year is 1994, same sex activity is illegal, and dangerous. It always has been and might even always will be. You could get disowned, you could get hurt, you could get killed.But you can't help who you love, can you?-A prequel to Dreary Tales, telling of Logan and Patton's meeting and how their stories grew and twisted around one another. How history repeated itself, but thankfully in a different environment for Virgil and Roman. How they fell for one another, fell apart, and fell back to each other sad and hurting.





	1. There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or stimulate it where it does not

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Dreary Tales](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415610) by [CasuallyJinxed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasuallyJinxed/pseuds/CasuallyJinxed), [LegendaryFanby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendaryFanby/pseuds/LegendaryFanby). 



> I had this idea and through tears told my sister.
> 
> I like to have my stories have a meaning to them. With Dreary Tales I brought in the idea that you can question your sexuality and romantic orientation; and that you don't owe anybody anything. I keep saying that, but what I mean is, don't do something you're uncomfortable with. If you don't want to talk to someone- don't. If you don't want to, say, send nudes- Don't. If you do not want to have sex- DON'T. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. Whether alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, moving in with them, stay independent. Get out while you can, if you need to.
> 
> For this fic, I'm taking us back a few decades to when being gay in the U.S. was illegal. Times have changed since then, but we still see discrimination and attacks. And not just for the gay community, for minorities worldwide and it's a dangerous and terrible thing.
> 
> Logan and Patton's story will end up with a happy ending, but not everyone can get that in real life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or stimulate it where it does not." -La Rochefoucauld  
> ~
> 
> Short start, but we really wanted to get this out here. Updates will be much longer from here on. -Sebastian

  Logan was in a rush. He was trying to get to his finals, so he could finally graduate. 

 He left his parents' house, still struggling to zip up his backpack, his papers threatening to spill out. He didn't drive. He knew how to, yes, and he had a car; but he enjoyed the sun and air even if it did take longer. He's beginning to regret this decision. 

 His plainly obvious lack of thoughts at the moment to just  _s l o w_   down led to him smacking face first into a stranger. His bag and all its contents falling out. Something else wet and hot fell on him. When he got his glasses adjusted, he saw the culprit. Right on top of him.

-

_*Patton's pov_

 

Patton was skipping to his father's cafe, coffee in hand, his shift hadn't started yet so he was volunteering at the animal shelter. But on his way to his work, he saw someone sprinting full speed at him. 

 Before Patton could do anything but shriek in fear, he got knocked down. Onto something softer than he had expected.

 He opened his eyes to be met with glasses staring back at him. 

 "Oh! Sorry. I-" 

 The unnamed stranger pushed Patton off of him and onto the hard concrete, grabbed and shoved all of his papers back into his bag, and took off running down the way which Patton had just came from.

 

 Patton has no idea who that was, why he was running so fast, why he hadn't spoken to him, or why he was just _so. darn. cute._

 

Patton blushed as he realized what he just thought. It's okay, he can admit someone is cute if they're both guys right? It doesn't mean anything. 

 That's what he'd tell someone else. Patton knows better, at least when it comes to him.

 

 He pushed his way up, reached for his discarded cup and kept walking. He hopes he sees him again. Maybe he'll take this route more often.

 


	2. You can't blame gravity for falling in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't blame gravity for falling in love. -Albert Einstein

  Patton had a smile on his face all day. He usually does anyway, but this time it was different; and he knew it.

 He finished up his schooling last year, so he's taken over work full time. But it's fine because he loves it here with the tan walls and hardwood floors. The tables scattered about, each holding customers whether it being single mothers with young children or elderly folks.

 He smiled as he walked over to each individual table and booth, offering smiles and extra napkins when they could very easily get them themselves. Patton may work there, but he's no waiter. But he insists on kindness to every person regardless. He loves making people happy, brightening their day even if just for a few minutes. 

 If nothing else it got him good tips which he put towards the charities he always donated to, or to the homeless folks he comes across. He may also slip them free drinks and pastries when possible.

 His dad notices but Patton repays for it from his paycheck. 

 

 He settled back behind his counter and awaited his next customer. Which just happened to be the man from earlier that had ran into him.

 Patton grinned and fixed his glasses, hair, anything else he could think of.

 "Welcome to Coffee Dreams! How may I help you?"

-

_Logan's pov_

 

 Logan had had a rough day. First he woke up late, then he didn't have time for breakfast and then all of his work  _and clothes_ got coffee spilt all over it. He's tired, stressed, and hungry. He ignores what his father always said about the competition. He goes in the cafe.

 A little bell notifies the worker that he had a new customer. Logan didn't notice him primping. "Welcome to Coffee Dreams! How may I help you?" The voice seemed  _somewhat_ familiar.

 Logan sighed dramatically. "I've had a horrible day. Can I please get a café mélange?" 

 The barista nodded his head enthusiastically. "Anything else?"

 Logan looked at the display and menu. "Actually, yes, do you have any apple turnovers?"

 "Yes, sir! I actually made them today but I can get you a fresh one out of the oven, if you'd like?"

 Logan gave a slight smile, "No thanks. I'll just have one already out."

 "Sure thing! Say, do you know how to make an apple turnover?"

 That was a pretty odd question to Logan, sure people ask him lots of questions but this one? "Uh, yes, I believe you place a filling on a piece of dough, fold the dough over, seal and-" "Nope!" He was interrupted.

 "I beg your pardon?"

 "You roll it down a hill, of course!"

 Logan didn't say anything. Was he wrong? No, no. This can't be. How would rolling it down a hill- oh, wait. "Was that a joke?"

 "Yes, it was." He continued grinning.

 Logan smiled back. It was actually a pretty good joke. Now he has one of his own. "Do you want to hear a joke about potassium?"

 The employee nodded his head enthusiastically. 

 Logan grinned. "K." Logan waited a few moments for a response of laughter but he didn't seem to get it. "Get it? Because the symbol for potassium is K."

 "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you expecting a reaction?" He bit his lip to hold in laughter. 

  Logan's eyes widened. "Did you just- did you just make a chemistry joke based off of my chemistry joke?"

 "Yes, sir, I did." Logan looked at his nametag and then back to his eyes.

 "Bravo." He nodded his head in praise. "Patton, is it?"

 "Yes, what's your name?"

 "Logan. Well, Patton, I'd like to say you are probably one of my favorite persons and I've only just met you."

 "Aw! Thanks, Logan! You're my favorite person, too! You're funny and smart." And cute when left unsaid. "But we have met before, today actually." 

 "We have?" Logan wondered if he'd seen him at his school or-  _oh._ "You're the one who ran into me?"

 "Well actually, you ran into me. You weren't looking where you were going but it's okay! Sorry, about my coffee."

 Logan frowned. His carelessness caused him to hurt a stranger and waste his drink. Plus cause himself problems. "I apologize. I should have paid more attention. I can pay you back for your coffee."

 Patton smiled and shook his head. "That's alright. Just pay for this order and we'll call it even."

 Logan nodded, "Of course. If you can think of anything I can do to make it up to you, let me know."

 "Sure thing, Logan."

-

 Logan gathered his waste to toss it away before he was stopped. 

 "Hey, Logan, I thought of something you can do to repay me."

 Logan raised a brow. "Oh? What is it?"

 Patton ran his tongue over his bottom lip before speaking. "You'll have to come by tomorrow to hear more chemistry jokes because right now all of the ones I can remember Argon."

 Logan's corner of his mouth quirked up. "Of course. See you tomorrow, Patton."

 


	3. Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. -Kahil Gibran  
> ~  
> Hey! So, for the record Patton works extra hours (it'll be explained tomorrow), and probably not the next chapter but soon in the following chapters it'll start moving along. Thanks for reading and actually liking this, guys (: I really appreciate all the love. <3   
> Ps: you can see my face in my pfp -Sebastian

  Logan got home and hung up his jacket on the coat rack, before taking it back off at the realization that it had coffee on it. Just like everything else he wore. 

 He sighed as he started gathering items for his shower, he'd wash his clothes later. 

 His parents weren't home, like usual. But they have pretty busy lives so he can't blame them. He should actually probably get his own place soon, but he's waiting to see where he gets accepted at before he looks at apartment contracts.

 His life was pretty good. As a kid he got just about everything he wanted, but if he was being honest he always had more interest in the kid science projects you find in the crafting section. It doesn't matter though, because he got it. He got to wear namebrand clothes and get new bikes and finally his own new car at sixteen, two years ago. Now he's eighteen and a wealthy trust fund baby. But he doesn't waste money like that, he's saving it. He's going to use it for college if he doesn't get a scholarship, and if he does get a scholarship well then he has all this extra money he can put towards a house or something. Or to donate it to something good.

 He's going to be a teacher. Just a high school teacher, nothing fancy, but he knows teaching jobs don't pay well. But you know what? He's going to work for his money. He's not just going to sit around and wait for Mommy and Daddy to take care of him. Maybe when he was younger, but not now. He's not having anything to do with the family business -and that includes sticking to their own brand of coffee; which tastes like crap by the way. Which is why he went to Coffee Dreams earlier, and he actually enjoyed it. The cafe was very warm and welcoming, the barista - _Patton_ - too. He'll be returning.

-

 After Logan's shower he settled in with a good book and a PB&J complete with Crofter's. Yum. 

 It wasn't until later that his parents returned, but he didn't mind. He took this as a cue to say his goodnights and head up to his room for the night. 

 He can't wait for tomorrow.

-

  Patton awoke with a smile on his face, he had been up late at night studying good jokes and puns for Logan,  _if he even shows up._ Patton shook off the thought. Of course he'd show! He seemed very satisfied with the service, plus he just seemed like a nice guy! Why would he lie?

 Patton got ready singing along to whatever cheery pop song was in his head. Today's Saturday. The coffee shop will be even busier today, but he's prepared. Time to bring his A-game, but he always does anyway. Time to bring his Extra A+ Game!

-

 "Anything else I can get you two?" Patton offered sweetly.

 The two young ladies who had been eyeing him up and down glanced at each other briefly before answering. "Actually," the brunette spoke up. "We were wondering if we could get your number." She held up a cell phone.

 Patton smiled. "I'll give you the bakery's number. It's on a business card, I'll be right back." The girls watched him as he walked away to return with the tiny piece of cardboard.

 This wasn't what they wanted. 

 "Here you go!"

 "...Thanks.." You could tell she wanted more than that, but Patton just smiled and carried on.

 He's a nice guy but he's not going to ask her out, or her friend. He's not interested.

 But he never really has been "interested", has he?

 

 It's still fairly early, so Patton was not expecting Logan's familiar face until later today. 

 "Logan! Hi. What can I get you today?"

 "Greetings, Patton, I'll have an espresso to start with." 

 Patton grinned, his eyes lit up. That means Logan will be here for a while.

 "I have to tell you about two customers who came by." He took Logan's cash and began preparing his drink. "One ordered an h20, and the other said he'd have an h20 too. But he died."

 It didn't take long for Logan to catch on. His laughter was melodic over the music from the speakers.

 "That's a good one, Patton. I'm surprised you know so many jokes regarding chemistry, although it's usually organic chemistry which is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble."

 "No fair that one's even better." Patton pouted causing Logan to smirk.

 

 Logan likes it here. Patton likes Logan here.

 

 This left them dreading closing time. Logan stayed there all day. It may have distracted Patton from his work a bit, but he still did his job way better than he needed to. 

 Logan ended up being Patton's final customer. Patton even let him hang out there until Patton actually had to lock the doors; only then did they part ways.

 They agreed to meet back there again tomorrow.


	4. I think falling in love is always a surprise, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I think falling in love is always a surprise, right?"-Josh Dallas  
> ~  
> DID YOU GUYS SEE THE NEWEST VIDEO
> 
> I AM NOT WRITING DECEIT IN HELL NO. ALSO I DO NOT LIKE HIM?? DO YOU GUYS?  
> Also I really wanted to make this chapter longer but then it would go into tomorrow's chapter and I need that one to be *perfect*.  
> -Sebby 
> 
> Honestly I like Deceit, he's not my favorite, but he's pretty cool and his style's amazing.  
> -Rebecca
> 
> NO HOW COULD YOU. I'VE BEEN BETRAYED -Seb
> 
> HOW COULD YOU NOT LIKE DECEIT?! -Reb 
> 
> HE'S D E C E I T HE'S EVIL. LOOK WHAT HE DID TO POOR PATTON! -Sebastian
> 
> I MEAN YEAH I HATE WHAT HE DID TO PATTON, BUT HE'S STILL A SANDERS SIDE -Rebecca 
> 
> EVIL. HE IS EVIL -Sebastian 
> 
> YES, OKAY, IK HE'S EVIL. NOW CAN WE STOP ARGUING OVER THIS AND JUST POST THIS CHAPTER ALREADY?! -Rebecca 
> 
> Fine. Enjoy, guys. -Sebastian

  Patton took off his forest green apron and handed it to his father while Logan watched and waited.

 "See you later, Dad! I'll be back this afternoon."

 "Okay, be safe, Patton." 

 "Bye!" Patton turned to Logan. "Ready to go and meet the animals?" He asked excitedly.

 "As ready as I'll ever be." Logan affirmed as they walked side by side towards the door before taking turns going through, Logan holding the door open since Patton's hands were full.

 After they were on the sidewalk Patton started off with a skip and excitedly began naming off several of the animals he helps care for. "So there's Sadie, Maggie, Magma, James, Peanut, Buttersotch, oh! There's a Butterscotch at the vet, too, but she's a cat. I'm allergic to cats so I can't go near her. But I help all of the others!" He looked towards the man besides him. Logan was smiling, something causing his eyes to shine. 

 "I'm so glad you want to come with me and help, Logan."

 "I do enjoy helping out where I can. Plus I enjoy your company."

 Patton beamed. Logan likes hanging out with him!

 "Thanks, Logan! I like you, too."

 Logan gave a small smile at that as he looked down in embarrassment. He may have also been hiding a blush.

 "So how did you get to leave work so early?"

 "Oh, it's my family's café. I just work overtime a lot but today I'm taking off so we can go to the animal shelter. We're also going to make a few stops along the way." He lifted up his takeout boxes and cup holder for emphasis.

 Logan is surprised he hasn't accidentally spilt anything yet.

 "Sounds good. Would you like me to carry something?" 

 Patton studied Logan before deeming him fit to protect the drinks. They walked a little further before making some twists and turns where they saw a homeless man.

 "Hi, Mr. Jefferson! How are you today?" 

 The man turned his head to look their way before his face broke into a smile. "Hey there, Pat. I'm doin' okay. Who's ya friend?"

 "This is Logan! He's helping me do my rounds today. Logan, please pass Mr. Jefferson his drink."

 Logan looked at the cups finding the man's name and pulled it out, passing it to him. Getting a toothy smile in return.

 "And here's your food! We have a slice of banana bread, two cookies(!), and a muffin. I'm sorry we couldn't bring more today." Patton said remorsefully.

 "That's alrigh', Patton. Most folks don't give me a glance. Thank ya." 

 Patton nodded, but Logan saw his  smile didn't quite reach the eyes. "We'll see you later, sir. I'll bring you something else to eat."

 He nodded his head in acknowledgment.

 Patton sighed and looked at Logan. "Come on, we have to stop by to see Nina now." Logan held off on walking to place the cup holder back on Patton's stack before reaching into his pocket, withdrawing his wallet.

 Logan flipped it open and pulled out a fifty.

 "I'd give more but I don't carry much on me and I need the rest to give to others. I hope this is good enough."

 Mr. Jefferson's eyes lit up. "I can't-"

 "Please, I insist."

 The homeless man's eyes became wet. "Thank you so much. God bless ya." 

-

Logan and Patton stopped by to see Nina, the interaction went similar. Next they went to the animal shelter where Patton cuddled with each and every (kind) dog there, fed them, and took as many out as possible before he announced they had to get to the veterinary clinic. 

 Logan noticed the 'donate' box, he repeated his earlier moves and put a $50 in. Logan figures there will be a another donation box at the vet.

 He was surprised to learn that this was a clinic for exotic animals and horses as well as cats and dogs. And it was non-profit, ran completely on donations; full of volunteers. He left a fifty here as well. He also took his time when brushing the horses. He likes horses. Patton took notice and told Logan that they were well enough to go home, he also asked if he had ever gone horseback riding.

 Logan told about how he went once at a birthday party but never did get to go again, he hadn't really thought about it until now. He knows he probably could have grown up taking lessons if he would have just asked. Oh well.

  Patton grinned as he announced that sometimes the owners let him take the horses out for a ride, and that he would ask for them.

 As Patton went off to call, he left Logan to think about his grades. He hadn't gotten results yet but he remembers it sometimes takes two weeks to find out if you pass or not. He knew every question, he thinks. What if he's wrong though? What if he failed? How could he be so stu-

 "Great news! We can go riding!"

 Logan ignored the bubbling anxiety and stress.

 -

  Patton's and Logan's horses trotted down the track before Patton announced that he had challenged Logan to a race. Logan started thinking about what could potentially go wrong from the horses not being ready or one of them (or both) falling off, maybe breaking bones or getting trampled on but he shut that little voice in his head up as soon as he saw Patton's horse gallop away. Logan's face drew into a smirk. He may not know everything about riding but he's a quick learner.

-

  "I won!"

 "Falsehood. I won."

 Patton rolled his eyes. "Get off your high horse." He giggled. "It was a tie."

  Patton turned to squint at Logan, the tree they're under not doing anything to shield his eyes from the sun.

 "Don't pretend like I didn't notice how much money you gave out today. I really appreciate it, but how did you have so much? I mean, that was $200, Logan!"

 "My parents are pretty rich. I don't like having money like that though; I plan on using it for good. And I did."

 Patton cracked a smile, "It must be nice to be financially stable."

 "It is- wait." He looked at the man beside him causing Patton to laugh again.

 "I'm sorry! I had to. But it really must be nice. To have so much money and not have to worry! Wow! What do your parents do? What do you do? What's your job? What's-"

 "Patton, please. I appreciate your unbridled enthusiasm but it's a bit much." Logan pulled his lip between his teeth  to stop him from laughing at his own joke.

 "OH MY GOODNESS THAT ONE WAS EVEN BETTER."

 Logan released his lip and smiled.

 "Judging by the positioning of the sun, shouldn't we get going soon? You told your father you'd be back by this afternoon and as I recall you said we'd bring Mr. Jefferson and Nina some more food.

 Patton nodded and pushed himself up, began brushing grass from himself.

 He held out his hand. "Well then, we had better hoof it."

 Logan grinned as he took Patton's hand. And he didn't let go until he was already on his feet, but neither of them seemed to notice.

 Or at least they pretended not to.

 


	5. One morning, about four o' clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, Why am I out this time of night? I was miserable, and it came to me: I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton addresses his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One morning, about four o' clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, Why am I out this time of night? I was miserable, and it came to me: I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with. -June Carter Cash  
> ~  
> I should probably say that I thank my incredibly overly religious crappy homophobic school for this entire fic. Like even though it annoys me so, small things here and there give me inspiration.  
> Some examples:  
> Livid  
> Roman Empire  
> Bugs  
> Rule the roost
> 
> Not in that particular order, but so much inspiration.  
> Also, has anyone taken the time to read Aeneid by Virgil? Not the Virgil Sanders we all know and love, but the Virgil who was the greatest poet of the Golden Age. Aeneid is incredible and if you haven't read it yet, I definitely recommend reading it when you have excess time on your hands.  
> Also, today we're having a two-parter update because this one is so short. If we're lucky it may even be a three-parter (:  
> -Sebastian

  Patton paced around his room, fingers combing through his hair pushing his bangs back before they flipped back forward.

 He knows. He already knows. He's always known. He knows that he's gay.

 He's never shown an interest in girls. Ever! Never had anything to do with them unless he was just being friendly.

 He can't be gay though. Or, at least he can't tell anyone. It would ruin his life. He's breaking the law. He'll get killed even if someone just suspects.

 He doesn't see how there can be anything wrong with liking fellow men. He's not hurting anybody. It's just who he is. He likes guys. _He likes Logan._

 But Logan probably has a girlfriend. And Senator Jesse Helms, the Senate Foreign Relations Committee chairman who is well known for his public opposition to the "homosexual lifestyle" says that Patton and others like him are "degenerates" and "weak, morally sick wretches". What if Logan thought so, too? What if they're right?

  There were a few moments where he may have been a little more inappropriate with responses to Logan like when he said he liked him, not just liking hanging out with him. Or when they held hands. It was just briefly, but it was enough to give him even more butterflies than he had been feeling and make his face go red. But Logan didn't seem to mind, did he?

 He doesn't know what to do. He's seeing Logan everyday now and he really enjoys it and it's not like he can tell Logan to stop coming by. He'll just have to push his feelings down. They're wrong.

 He's wrong. 


	6. I can't explain chemistry. I really can't. I haven't got a clue what it's all about. It just happens. It's like falling in love. You can't explain why you fall in love or explain why it's this particular person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan addresses his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't explain chemistry. I really can't. I haven't got a clue what it's all about. It just happens. It's like falling in love. You can't explain why you fall in love or explain why it's this particular person. -Elaine Stritch

 Logan sat at his desk chair all night. His fingertips digging into his scalp.

 He didn't understand.

 He did not understand.

 He knows what love is. He's experienced it. He loved his parents at one point, he loves Sherlock Holmes, he loves school. He loves Crofter's, he loved his ex, he loves Patton.

 He loves Patton.

 Loves. 

 Love has many definitions but the top two are

  * an intense feeling of deep affection.



or

  * a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.



 Logan can verify the first one. He does have an affection for Patton. Who cannot? With his kindness and empathy and sympathy and his jokes. Patton deserves the world.

 The only problem is, Logan wants to give it to him.

 Logan wants to be the, well, the Patton to Patton's Patton. If that makes sense. He wants Patton to know the love and compassion that he puts out, personally. 

 This leads to the second definition.

  * a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.



 Does Logan experience a romantic or even, forbid, a sexual attraction to Patton?

 Logan is well aware of the laws against this, and just what the general population would say or do.

  Logan can't act on this. Act on what? _There's nothing to act on, Logan. You're being absurd. You need to get some sleep._

But, Logan wouldn't be questioning any of this if he didn't think it needed to be thought about. He knows how he feels. He knows how the world works.

 But he knows how he feels.

 He knows how he felt when he first saw Patton behind the counter, he knows how he felt when Patton told him to come back by the next day. He knows how he felt when Patton invited him to share what Patton enjoys most. He knows how he felt when Patton got them to go horseback riding.

His heartbeat starts to pickup.

He knows how he felt when they had lain together under that River birch.

 He knows how he felt when his hand grasped Patton's, how it felt when he held it just a tad longer than needed. _How it felt when Patton let him. How it felt when Patton held his hand in return._

 How it felt to have to say goodbye today. How it feels _right now_ thinking about him.

 How it feels knowing he gets to see him again tomorrow.

 How it feels knowing he can't keep his emotions bottled up.

 How it feels knowing he's going to tell him.


	7. There's nothing wrong with falling in love and sharing your life with someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing wrong with falling in love and sharing your life with someone. -Lily James

  It has been a few more days since Logan and Patton had their cognizances, neither of them actually coming out to the other yet. The days that followed were spent in Coffee Dreams, the trips to those in need, in the movie theatre to view The Lion King and Forrest Gump (they did _not_ cry.), and now they're at Patton's apartment.

 When Logan first showed up he concluded that Patton was a hoarder. Not terribly so, not to where it was dangerous; but enough to where there were things that no one really needed. But who is he to judge? Plus, it's nice getting a look at Patton's personal life. 

 He sat on the sofa and they had a Disney movie marathon, The Lion King rekindling their love for Disney. Patton got more into it than Logan had, but Logan enjoyed seeing how happy Patton was. They also may have subconsciously scooted closer together, doing a half-cuddle. The sides of their bodies touching.

 After many movies, Logan announced he should probably return home which Patton whined about -begging for a sleepover because of how fun it would be and how much fun they were having right now. After Patton made his (very valid) points as to why Logan should stay, Logan agreed but he countered that he had to at least go home and get the mail because he wasn't sure if his parents would be there to receive it. Patton immediately agreed because he's getting what he wants but only if he could go too and he'd get to see Logan's home.

-

  Patton kept saying how pretty Logan's house was, Logan just muttered softly about how it won't be his home for long. Patton wondered what he meant.

 

 Logan checked the mailbox before unlocking the door so they could enter. He said they wouldn't be here long, he's just got to put the mail down and write a note; Patton wasn't paying attention. He was looking at how high the ceilings were.

  Logan wrote out the note and left it on the stack of letters but something caught his eye.

 His name on not just one, but two envelopes. He wordlessly skimmed over who was from and froze.

 His silence prompted Patton over to see what his friend was doing when he saw what he was holding he gasped. "Logan! Are these your test results?"

 Logan nodded his head. "And this," he held up another envelope," is my letter letting me know if I got accepted into college or not."

  "Well, what are you waiting for? Open them!"

 Logan bit his lip as he ripped his high school one open, not bothering for the stupid letter opener right next to him. 

  He ran through before declaring he'd passed. He's going to graduate. 

  Patton whooped and cheered, clapping, congratulating his friend. Logan passed! He's done with high school.

 Now, onto college.

 Logan swallowed as he opened this one more carefully, almost wishing he didn't have to. Before he pulled out his letter, he lowered his arms. He just looked down, Patton knew what was wrong so he reached for it. "Do you want me to read them for you?"

 Logan almost shook his head, but then surrendered them over. He'd rather hear the bad news from Patton.

 Patton took them, asking if Logan was ready. After a small nod Patton smiled and took the papers out.

 He cleared his throat.

 "Dear Sir,

This is with regards to your application form number... submitted on... for admission in the science stream of our college.

Through your documents and certificates submitted along with the application form we can make out that you had been a brilliant student of... Keeping in mind your outstanding performance and past academic records, our management team has decided to accept your application for pursuing Bachelor of Science from our college! Logan! You got accepted!" Patton didn't bother reading the rest because he threw the mail down and engulfed Logan into a hug, Logan immediately hugging back; his head resting in the crook of Patton's shoulder.

  They stayed like that way past the normal length of time for friends to hug, they realized this with flushed cheeks but before either could speak they were leaning in lightly kissing, experimenting with this delicate act. At first they each tried to keep their eyes open, studying the other but one after the other their eyes fell closed and they were lost in the sensation of the other's mouth on his own. 

  They slowly pulled away. Their eyes opening back up, growing wide at the realization of what just happened.. And that they were both okay with it.They could have just said they were caught up in the heat of the moment, that it didn't mean anything to either of them. But they didn't, because it wasn't just 'in the heat of the moment'. 

 So they did it again.

 They wrapped their arms around one another once again, kissing as they pulled the other in close.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!! Rebecca read through it and literally just went "that's so gay." Mission accomplished.
> 
> Wow that was three updates in one day. It was supposed to be fourteen chapters, the first one on Feb. 1 and the final one on Feb. 14. but clearly I have no control. So either we'll have to skip a few days of updates or I'll have to write a few extra. Hakuna matata, my lovelies. We'll figure this out.  
> P.s. I hope you're having a wonderful week  
> -Sebastian the enby


	8. In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. -Mignon McLaughlin  
> ~  
> Sorry I took yesterday off (at least we're almost back on track) I was having a breakdown I guess. You know, the thoughts of going to hell and dysphoria. Just a lot.
> 
> But hey, nonbinary is now a sex marker on Washington birth certificates so that's amazing.  
> I really don't have to always sign my name do I? You know who I am.

  Logan and Patton each had their concerns that the other would feel it was too awkward to still have their sleepover but they both agreed to anyway. They would just do as they originally planned. Patton showed him tons of photo albums and old journals and pretty much everything from the time he was born and numerous kid photos of him with cake on his face and hands, pictures of little Patton sitting on Santa's lap, until this year with '1994' glasses and a party blower.

 Patton was an adorable kid. He's still adorable as an adult. He'll look even more adorable as a dad, Logan thinks.

  Patton asked Logan if Logan had any childhood memories or memorabilia. Logan shook his head no, stating that although he remembers his childhood most of it was spent sitting silently in the waiting room of his parents' office for them to get off of work. He had read all of the magazines, done numerous activity books, and read many regular books. He also usually either did his homework there or had to remain after school.

 Patton frowned at this confession. Why didn't Logan get to have a nice childhood like him?

 Logan continued stating he did get a lot of science kits so he spent most of the time doing those when he could get away with it. He gave a smile at that.

 "One time I got this kit full of pranks so I mixed together some itching powder and tested it on this bully I had in third grade."

 "Logan, you didn't!"

 Logan smiled a goofy grin. "I did. And I didn't get caught."

 "Where did you put it?"

 "In his underpants would have been too obvious so I sprinkled some in his hat -which he took from me- and I put some in his socks around the ankles."

  "Logan!" Patton had attempted to scold but was too busy giggling which must have been contagious because now Logan was, too.

  They kept eye contact through their glasses for a good while before one of them spoke up. "What are we doing?"

"Staring contest."

"Oh, okay."

 They continued staring, their eyes watering as they began making funny faces trying to keep their eyes open.

 They eventually forgot what they were doing to begin with and just ended up cuddling on Patton's couch. Logan never thought he was one for physical contact, but when it comes to Patton he loves it. Logan voices this.

 

  "Should we talk about it?"

  "About the kiss? And the cuddling?"

  "Yes. You know what this means."

  "We're breaking the law. And can go to jail. Or get hurt."

  "We have to stay secret- and safe."

  "But I don't want us to become boyfriends behind closed doors, I want us to be able to go on dates and hold hands in public."

  "We can't. Maybe some day, but we can't. We can do things together we just have to be extra careful. We're not teenage girls sneaking around and hiding their boyfriends from their in nonapproving parents, we're adults engaging in same sex activity."

  "... Even if we don't actually do it?"

  Logan remained silent.

  "Do you think we'll go to hell?

  Logan still didn't respond.

  "Logan?"

  "I'm not sure, Patton."

  "I'm sorry."

  "For what?"

  "I shouldn't have hugged you."

  "It's not because the hug, Patton, I was going to tell you I had feelings for you anyway. I just didn't know how or when yet."

  This time Patton didn't speak, Logan took this silence as a sign that he needed comfort. Patton is never quiet.

  Logan brushed Patton's bangs from his forehead and pressed a gentle kiss. 

 "I want you to know that I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry that we're both male, and I'm not sorry that this is happening. I would like to take you on a proper date where I will then -quietly, of course- ask you to be my proper boyfriend."

 "Logan, you sap."

 Logan didn't deny this accusation. He actually agreed with it. He would be as romantic as possible with Patton. Patton deserved that much, even more actually.

 Neither one brought up the speed at which they were going, whether it be considered too fast or too slow. Patton has had crushes before but he had never met another gay boy before.

 And Logan has had an ex-girlfriend before; but Patton and Logan can both admit they've never felt like this before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sometimes wonder if just homoromantic relationships would be accepted more than relationships involving sex are. Probably not.


	9. Let no one who loves be unhappy even love unreturned has its rainbow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Let no one who loves be unhappy even love unreturned has its rainbow."-James Matthew Barrie

  Patton woke to the sound of keys jangling. He instantly knew that his father had arrived and let himself in. Patton lives alone, but he gave his father a pair of keys because why not? At least him and Logan are both fully dressed in pajamas, nothing happening between them last night.

 Quickly, Patton removed himself from Logan's arms, shockingly they fell asleep spooning, and moved to the opposite couch.

 He heard the sound of his father's boots hit the cold, hard tiles and some sort of rustling, perhaps of paper, then a heavy sigh followed as louder steps approached and retreated at the same rate. He was probably pacing.

 Patton chose to fake be asleep. 

-

 Later on after Patton "woke up" to be met with his dad shaking his shoulder, Logan was startled awake by the sudden presence of a stranger. Patton's dad? Logan quickly said good morning and excused himself to the bathroom, carrying his day clothes with him. When he returned Patton asked if Logan would like some breakfast but he could see Logan's anxiety so he didn't push it when Logan politely declined and left, saying he'd talk to him later. Patton doesn't know when later is.

 

 After Logan left, Patton offered his dad something to eat or drink but he declined as well, instead opting to just sit on the couch they had just been on.

 Patton sat beside him and in that very second Patton realized that his father seemed depressed. 

 "What's wrong Dad?" Patton's voice quivered, expecting the worst.

 With absolute silence, the other man revealed papers that he had kept to the side in pretend unimportance. He then handed them to his worried son. 

 "What is this?" Patton skimmed through the papers, his eyes abruptly stopping and widening with fear. "Wait... Why do these say we haven't been paying the rent on Coffee Dreams?"

 No response.

 "We've been paying the rent, right?" 

 Complete silence followed for a few seconds.

 Patton continued reading.

 "I'm confused, why does this say we have a two weeks notice?" 

 At this point Patton's face was a puffy, scarlet colored mess.

 "I- I'm sorry." His father croaked out. He tried to put his hand on the smaller man's shoulder, but in response, the boy pulled away.  

 "What do you mean you're sorry?" Patton shouted. He never shouts, unless it's in joy or excitement. "Why do we only have two weeks notice, Dad?"

 "I... You'll understand some day. We'll start selling off the decor which is ours come tomorrow on Monday and we'll mark down our prices in an attempt to sell every good we have and at least make something."

 "No!"

 "Patton, look-"

 "No, Dad! We can't let this happen! Why haven't we been paying? We can't lose it! I love it there and I like the people there."

  "It's happening and that's final, Patton." He paused, "Unless you can come up with six months rent on your own but you and I both know that's impossible especially since you do all this careless spending and on something you can't even hold!"

  Patton's mouth dropped.

 "Careless spending?! You mean helping people in need? I take that out of my own paycheck!"

 "You should know by now that your paycheck should go to me and your mother. It's _our_ business, not yours. You only work there to prevent you from going out and getting AIDS."

 Patton didn't speak.

 His dad continued. "To think, my son being a daffy." He shook his head.

 "You need to leave." Patton managed without his voice breaking. 

 His dad gave him a look. "I'm only trying to help you, Patton. I thought you would have grown out of this phase by now, thought you were just a late bloomer but I see that's not going to happen. Coffee Dreams is closing and that's final. You'll have to find a job if you want to keep your apartment, I'm not paying your rent anymore."

 "Leave."

 His dad sighed. "Patton."

 "I said leave!" His voice finally broke.

  It wasn't until his dad actually left and shut the door, leaving his keys behind, that Patton burst into tears.

 This can't be happening.

-

 Logan jogged to his house until he slowed enough to catch his breath. His normal clothes aren't really meant to be ran in but it's not like he could run around town in his PJs. 

 Why was Patton's dad there? Did he live there? He thought Patton lived alone. Isn't that what Patton said? He's grateful they didn't do anything more than cuddle, and that Patton awoke before he did and moved. Logan doesn't have Patton's house phone number so maybe he'll just stop by later, or maybe Patton might show up at his house? No, unlikely. Patton is aware Logan doesn't enjoy being home. Maybe they'll cross paths out in public again, or they'll definitely see each other at the café. It's Sunday, maybe Patton will go to church? Logan actually isn't sure of Patton's religion; he'll have to ask sometime. Maybe Logan will go visit the homeless folks and take them to breakfast. Yeah, that actually sounds wonderful.

-

  Logan took his car this time, no need to force them to walk to get food. He was aware they might not go for it because he wouldn't just hop in a stranger's car with the promise of free food. But after some consideration they did and Logan drove them to a nice breakfast place and told them to order whatever they wanted.

  Besides the stares other customers gave them, which Logan returned, the service was nice. He was sure to tip the waitress well, and before long he was driving them back. He felt bad just depositing them back on the streets like trash but they didn't seem to mind. He considered booking them a hotel room for the night but he figured it would be overwhelming for them and he wouldn't be able to pay it forever and that would be horrible to get accommodated to something to know it'll be snatched away; so he'll just visit them more often and take them shopping for things they'd like or need, as long as it's practical of course.

 

 Logan didn't see or hear from Patton again until Wednesday evening when he stopped by after his graduation. Patton hasn't  been at the shop any of the other previous weekdays. He hadn't gotten to tell Patton when he would be graduating, and he knew his parents wouldn't attend but it still hurt to not have anyone in the audience to clap for him specifically, to hear his speech and care. So Logan only got to see Patton when he visited Patton's apartment that night.

 Logan had changed out of his cap and gown and left his diploma at home. He was hurt. He doesn't blame Patton but where has he been? Logan tried to visit before then but he never got an answer.

 When Patton opened the door Logan was met with the stench of alcohol.

  He didn't bother asking before he went in, he just pushed past. 

 "Patton, where have you been? And why does it smell like alcohol in here. You're underage."

 Patton didn't respond. He was wearing the same pajamas he put on Saturday night. His hair was messy and unbrushed, his glasses didn't even sit on his nose right. He just watched Logan as he assessed the room. Stuff which at least had a place previously was strewn about in disarray, evident it had been thrown. Loose pages of old journals lay ripped apart on the ground. Photographs, too.

  "Patton what happened?"

 Logan was just met with Patton shaking his head, looking at the floor.

 "Come on, just talk to me. What's wrong?" Logan begged but he was getting frustrated.

 "It doesn't matter."

 "It does matter! What happened, Patton? Please."

  Patton looked Logan in the eyes this time, Logan seeing that they were red and puffy. Patton saw Logan was fighting tears himself.

 "Lo.. Why do you look like you're going to cry?"

 Logan exploded. "Why do _I_ look like I'm going to cry?! How about you've been ignoring me for three days! I went to the cafe, I've come to your house, I went and saw Mr. Jefferson and Nina. Guess what. They haven't seen you either. Where have you been? I went to my graduation all alone, I didn't even get a chance to tell you about it. I missed you! Were you ignoring me? Because that's what I thought it was. Either that or something bad must have happened. What happened?"

  Patton blinked away tears. "I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't mean to ignore you, really... I didn't. I just..." He didn't finish. His throat was too raw.

  "Patton.. What's wrong?" Logan's frown deepening. He placed his hand on Patton's shoulder which Patton took as an invite to hug him. Logan didn't mind it. Logan held him in an attempt to not only comfort Patton, but himself too.

  "We're losing Coffee Dreams, Logan! And my-my dad knows! And I need a knew job or else I'll never be able to help anyone again."

  Logan mulled over his words before pulling back slightly, which was difficult considering the vice grip on him. "What do you mean 'losing'?"

 "My dad says we haven't paid the rent in six months so the bank is taking it back! We don't have long but I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose it. I've grown up there."

 Logan stayed quiet until Patton spoke up. "Lo?"

 Logan rubbed his hand along his back to further comfort him. "How long did you say you have?"

 "Um, it said two weeks but that was a little bit ago so maybe a week? My dad had it before he showed me."

 "Do you have the papers?"

 "N-no. My dad does though."

 "We're going to go see him tomorrow."

 "W-what? No we can't."

 "Why not?"

 "He knows."

 "About what?"

 "That I'm gay."

 Logan stilled his movements. "Did he hurt you?"

 "No. I mean.. My feelings but no he didn't physically hurt me."

 "Did he seem dangerous?"

 "I don't think so. He's still my dad."

 "I need to see the papers, you don't have to go if you don't want to just tell me where he lives."

 Patton hugged Logan right before pulling away completely and wiping his eyes from underneath his glasses. "No, it's okay. I'll go."

 Logan smiled.

 "Patton?"

 "Yes?"

 Logan studied Patton's face, seeing it looked much better than it had when he first arrived.

 "I love you."

 Patton's eyes changed, getting a whole new wave of tears ready. "I love you, too, Logan."

 Logan leaned in to kiss him.

 "It's going to be okay."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually going to make this chapter really sweet but Rebecca wrote in the two weeks notice scene early so I wrote in the homophobic remarks in earlier as well -Sebastian


	10. Lutetium Vanadium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lutetium Vanadium" aka seb was too lazy to actually look up a relevant love quote so have this cheap joke instead.  
> ~  
> I like this fic in particular because it's my first ever alternate timeframe work and I get to do research on what was popular and what had and hadn't came out by then. So unless I really just mess up somewhere, everything should be accurate. (:
> 
> So have some cuteness. I swear this chapter is just cuteness and puns. Nothing bad..

  Patton let the water rain down on him. The hot water feeling amazing but it soon became too much, so he turned the dial down to cooler temperatures. The cold water running off of his flushed skin. 

  He slowly began washing his hair, scratching his fingertips against his scalp. He smiled at the familiar apple scent. He made a mental note to thank Logan for forcing him in here.

 He went through the process turning the dial back and forth hot to cold, hot to cold, until finally he had been in there long enough for the water to go frigid -not warming back up.

 He shut the shower off and grabbed his towel off of the shower rod.

 

 The shower was nice, in a weird sense that drunk showers give you where you're at ease but even more capable of accidentally slipping and killing yourself or drowning. 

 

  He wasn't too drunk, he sobered up a lot by the time Logan and him were done talking. Plus it's not like he had drank a whole lot.

 Patton finished drying off, only losing his footing once before steadying himself. He realized he didn't have any clothes.

 

 Patton is in his own home, and he does have a towel, but Logan's here and what if he sees him? They're both of age, and they are dating right? It should be okay for Patton to walk out in a towel until he can get changed. He's not overstepping any boundaries.

  When he opened the door he startled Logan who was stationed there.

  "Oh. Um, I was waiting here in case you needed m- _something_."

 "Just clothes." Patton smiled as he walked to his dresser, pulling a few drawers out and selecting what he wanted; giving Logan a few of his toweled waist and bare top.

 He turned to see Logan still standing there with his glasses foggy. Patton giggled, "Did you just get out the shower, too? Why else are your glasses fogged up?"

 Logan ripped his glasses off to wipe the steam away. 

 Patton watched in amusement as Logan just shifted around on his two feet. "I need to get dressed. Do you want to leave or-?" He trailed off making Logan blush even more before hightailing it out of there, shutting the door and announcing that he'd be in the living room.

 

 Once Patton was dressed he joined Logan and asked if he'd had dinner yet. Logan admitted that he had not and was rather famished. Patton asked if he'd like him to cook something or if they should just order pizza- that is unless Logan wanted to return home, which Logan shook his head to. He was not ready to leave Patton, yet.

 He never was, actually.

 

 In the end they decided to just order a pizza; plus they've decided they can have a sleepover part 2. Logan is done with school after all, and Patton is out a job. So nothing is stopping them from potentially staying up all night. Plus they could go straight to see Patton's father in the morning if they really wanted to, and they could do other things as well. Logan may have something planned.

 

  They didn't do much that night... Just ate, Logan helped Patton clean up and go through everything, they stopped here and there to cuddle before finally falling asleep to a The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rerun.

_Logan dreamt he was at Coffee Dreams. He was sitting alone, staring into his drink. He looked around, but found he was the only one there. No music played, no chatter or clatter of dishes were heard, everything was silent except for Logan's heartbeat and breathing._

 

_Then his dream shifted. Almost like it became smeared and then wiped clean._

 

_Now he was sitting across from Patton. Patton was smiling and laughing at something Logan said but he doesn't know what, he still smiled back though because seeing Patton this happy was amazing and how could you n o t  smile?. Logan doesn't understand what's happening but he doesn't care to think, he just wants to exist here, with Patton._

-

  Logan awoke with a cramp in his back and a crick in his neck. He's going to have to stop crashing on Patton's couch. But to wake up with Patton in his arms, this uncomfortable position was worth it. He stays there until the pressure on his bladder is too much and he has to wake Patton enough so he can get up and relieve himself.

 Patton yawned wiping the corners of his eyes. "Logi? What time is it?" He scratches his head.

 Logan looked around until he found Patton's wall clock. "Around half-passed nine. We should get ready."

 Patton frowned as he pushed himself up in his elbow. "For what?"

 "Before we go get the papers, I'm taking you out on a date." Logan looked so smug, like Patton wasn't expecting this.

 "Oh?" Patton teased as he got up. "Well I hope you don't plan on paying."

 Logan's face faltered before his smirk perked back up. "We'll just have to have a race for who can get to the check first then."

 Patton accepted this challenge.

 

 Patton let Logan borrow some of his clothes, the two of them getting dressed in opposite corners of the room, both trusting neither would sneak a peek. But if they did they wouldn't mind it..

 "So," Patton began. "Oxygen went on a date with potassium. It went OK."

 Logan let out a breathy laugh. "They went on a second date, as well, it went OK2."

 Patton feined surprise, "Wait a minute. I thought oxygen was dating magnesium... OMg."  
 Logan grinned. "Actually, oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all 'NO'.”  
 Patton tilted his head, "I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins?"  
 "Looks like someone’s a HO."  
 "NaBrO." They were interrupted by fits of giggles.

 "What's the chemical formula for 'coffee'?"  
**"** That's easy. It's CoFe2. What's the chemical formula for 'banana'?"  
**"** BaNa2."

 **"** What do you do with a sick chemist?"  
That one took a bit of thinking but finally, "If you can't helium, and you can't curium... Then you might as well barium!"

 

  After they finished goofing off they were ready to go.

 Before they left Patton got Logan's attention (as if he didn't already have it). "Iodine lutetium vanadium yttrium oxygen uranium." 

 Logan kissed Patton.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When you dream of coffee this indicates you are looking deeper into the heart of the matter before making a decision or choice.
> 
> Dreaming of drinking coffee with someone can mean you have unexpressed feelings for that person. ... It can also mean you need to wake up to a situation."


	11. Sometimes your eyes are not the only place the tears fall from

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes your eyes are not the only place the tears fall from."-Faraaz Kazi  
> ~  
> So I've decided to change my username (just a little).  
> Instead of Legendaryfanboy, it's now Legendaryfanby. Just a slight change. Nbd.
> 
> For reference: https://pin.it/7pzwmmwfhmri2o
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: slur words, cussing, abuse

  "I like the chocolate chip ones because they taste like cookies." Patton stated with his mouth full, syrup running down his chin.

 Logan passed him a napkin, using his own face and hand to gesture to wipe.

 Patton got the hint and wiped up, smiling when doing so.

 "Can I have a slice of your bacon? You can have some of my pancakes!"

 Logan passed the requested food over but shook his head, "Keep your pancakes. Have some bacon."

  "Thanks, Lolo!" Logan blushed at the new nickname he was given. "You're welcome."

  Sometime later once they were sure they were done ordering, Logan excused himself to the restroom, or so he said.

 When he returned Patton was pouting. "How could you? I wanted to pay."

 Logan all-out laughed. "Sorry, Patton.. Actually, no, I'm not."

 Patton huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "It's not fair. You're not fair."

 "Elementary, my dear Watson. All you had to do was pay before the bill reaches the table."

 "Fine, but I'm paying the tip."

 "Deal."

-

  "Are you ready?" They stood outside of Coffee Dreams, or at least what was left of it. It wasn't completely cleared out but it was definitely more  _empty_ feeling _._

Patton hadn't been back since before he found out.

 He breathed out trying to steady himself. He hadn't seen or heard from his dad since then either. 

 "Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go in."

  Once in, they wasted no time going to find Patton's father in the back, Logan not leaving his side even if he wasn't technically allowed there. 

 They got to the office portion to find the man shifting through papers.

 He glanced up before shaking his head and looking back down, adjusting his glasses. "You shouldn't be here."

  "Excuse me, sir. I heard about the shop. I was wondering if I could take a look at the papers." 

 He scoffed. "Be my guest. Not like you can do anything about it. Maybe you can talk some sense into my son."

 He tossed the papers towards the end of the desk for Logan to reach. 

 Logan read through them, silence filling the air except for the occasional page turn. "Do you mind if I take these? Or at least run a copy?"

 "I don't care what you do. Not like I need 'em anymore. Not sure what a couple of queers think they can do about it."

 Patton spoke up, "You're not going to report us, are you?"

 His father shook his head in disapproval. "Exposing you two will give me no satisfaction so why even try." He paused "Are we done here?"

 Logan didn't bother giving him another look, he grabbed Patton's hand and gave it a squeeze before releasing it as they pushed open the door.

  Logan has a coffee shop to buy. 

-

 The rest of the day consisted of Logan pulling every smart card he had, every contact he has, and then paying in cash to buy and to avoid them having to pay a rent and risk getting their property seized again. Afterwards Logan and Patton spent the day talking redecorating the place to spruce it up a bit. Patton is overly excited.

 Despite Logan paying for it, he made sure to put it in Patton's name. It is his coffee shop, after all. Plus now this way their parents can't take it away. It's in Patton's name so his parents can't take it, and Logan's parents can't claim it's theirs because of the money situation.

 Logan's bank account has a major dent in it now, but this was worth it. It will always be worth it, no matter what happens.

 Patton's father was surprised they managed to do this, angry, but mostly just surprised. He doesn't approve of Patton's lifestyle, but he is his son and despite it all he is proud of what he's accomplished at such a young age. Maybe it'll work out for them. Coffee Dreams is in good hands. Hopefully his son's interests don't cost him the place. He'll give them the benefit of the doubt and have faith in them.

 

"I can't believe this is mine now." Patton stated breathlessly, glow from the coffee shop sign dancing upon his light hair in the dark of the night. "Thank you so much, Logan, thank you so so much. I can never thank you enough." 

 Logan gazed at Patton with all of his love, until now no one has ever had this kind of control over him; this kind of hold. 

 "Patton," His voice was pitched low in case of potential listeners. "You're beautiful. Not just in an attractive way, but in an understatement. You are.. So beautiful and I love you with all my heart. I've never met anyone else like you and I love you. I usually have a lot to say but since I've known you I've been rendered speechless. You mean everything to me and I'll do anything for you. I love you."

 Patton's eyes watered up. "I love you too, Logan. I love you more than everything and everyone. Even more than Coffee Dreams, but it's a very close second. You've been so nice to me and I don't know why."

 "Because I love you. You deserve to be loved and you deserve to be happy; so I will love you and I will make you happy."

 They took a look around, ensuring they were alone, before leaning in. The press of their lips together sealed their fate, for better and for worse.

-

 Logan and Patton decided to split ways for the night. He's heading back home to begin packing. They've decided that he will moving in with Patton.

 Patton wanted to come with but Logan stated Patton should enjoy his final night alone and that he'd go there tomorrow morning.

  Logan would have began packing right away but something- or rather someone got in his way.

 Logan's parents were home.

 Logan greeted them, trying to go upstairs but he was stopped by his father. "So we got quite the number of calls today, Logan. We hear you've finally bought something worth your cash. You managed to purchase that building where that cheap coffee shop was renting. Not particularly wise, but an okay investment; way to go, Logan. We can definitely make something of it. Plus, less competition. We're proud." He clapped a hand on Logan's back, hard.

 "Actually, father, I may have put the money towards it but it isn't _ours_ \- or even mine to 'make something of'."

 His father's hand dropped. "What do you mean it isn't yours?" The dangerous note to his voice wasn't hard to miss.

 Logan squared his shoulders being sure to look his father in the eyes. "It isn't mine. I bought it for a friend."

 "You.. What did you just say to me?"

 "I bought it for a friend. His father wasn't paying the rent and he didn't want to lose it because he-" Logan didn't get to finish his sentence. At first he didn't realize what had happened, what stunted his words but when his eyes focused again he was face to face with his father. But then he was swung at again and Logan's glasses flew off, clattering against the floor. Logan's body following.

 "Honey, no!" Logan's mom called but she stayed right where she was standing.

 Her husband ignored her. "I was right, wasn't I? My son.. Incapable of handling the family business. So goddamn incapable that he goes and becomes a fag with the competition's son. That's what you are, aren't you? A cock jockey? You ride his dick like every bicycle I ever bought your ungrateful ass? You a pillow biter? Mattress muncher? A sperm gurgler? You're no man. And you're not my son." He kicked Logan with each accusation before stomping off. "You're a load your mother should have swallowed."

  Logan wasn't sure if his vision was blurry from the lack of glasses or the pain and tears.

"Get out of my house before I call the police and suffer even more embarrassment because of you."


	12. Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love." -Mario Teguh  
> ~

  Miraculously his glasses were still in tact, but he was not. He burned all over, his body was throbbing. Or maybe that's just how hard his heart was beating. He was quivering, his hands switching between gripping at his opposite arms and constantly rubbing his palms on his pants to try to ground himself. He was scared but he was also determined. He was determined to never let Patton get hurt like this, at least not if Logan could do something about it.

 Logan's father left him there for sometime. Logan wasn't aware of time but every instinct, every fiber of his being was screaming to get out of there now.  

 He crawled to his feet with tears running down his face, the scenario replaying repeatedly in his head. 

 Logan wasn't quite sure how to react to the previous moment, but one thing was certain, he never wanted to see his parents- no, those  _people_ again. 

 Instead of packing like he originally planned too, he chose to just leave his no longer home, and everything inside it.

 On his way out the door, something with his name on it caught his attention. It was a letter from a different college. Logan snatched the letter, folded it, and placed in his back pocket. He left his keys there.

 He actually considered setting the house on fire as he walked out the door.

-

 Every step shot new pain through him. Physically or mentally, at this point it was all so foggy he didn't even realize he made it to Patton's until the front door opened to reveal a confused Patton in pajamas which quickly switched to a very concerned Patton.

 "Logan, what are you doing here? I thought we were supposed to meet up tomorrow." He stepped aside to let him in. Once the light caught his face, however, Patton gasped. "Logan! What happened to your face? Who hurt you?"

 Logan wasted no time gripping tightly onto Patton, ignoring the pain in his ribs and bawling his eyes out. 

 Patton wasn't expecting the sudden weight of his boyfriend but he managed to not stumble backwards and to get the door shut. 

  "Logan, who did this? Please. Are you okay?" 

 He didn't get an answer but he cradled him as long as Logan needed to until he was ready to be released, or to release Patton.

 "Patton." Logan's voice was hoarse and weak, his throat scratchy and dry.

 "Yes, love?" 

  Logan shook his head before trying to speak again. "Can we stay like this for just a little bit longer?"

 "Of course, Lo. Do you want me to get you some water first?"

 Logan did but he wasn't ready to let go, yet.

 He shook his head.

-

  "Logan, it's going to be okay. I promise. It may not seem like it now, but it'll work out in the end. You'll see." Patton's words were repeating through his mind.

 Logan finally told Patton what had happened, leaving Patton angry but there was no time for fury or seeking revenge- he had to comfort the one he loves.

 Logan nodded, he asked if they could call it a night and though Patton wished he could stay up and care for him he was tired and maybe it would all be better in the morning.

 Maybe.


	13. It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew."-Henry Rollins  
> ~  
> Meant to post this yesterday. Happy Valentine's Day -an aromantic first slice of wheat bread

  Patton opened his eyes.  
 Last night he had fallen asleep next to Logan in his bed. It was the first time they shared an actual bed and not just the couch.  
He felt around but found Logan no where, not even body heat.  
Maybe he went to the bathroom. Patton thought. He listened for a few minutes but he didn't hear any indication of him so he got up with a frown, reaching for his glasses.  
  
  The bathroom was empty, and Logan wasn't outside. He wasn't anywhere to be seen and Patton couldn't find a note.  
Maybe Logan just needed to take a walk or something.

 Patton got dressed and brushed his teeth and hair, he didn't bother with a shower right now.  
  
  Patton's been up for an hour now. He doesn't know where Logan went. He should be back by now. Maybe he's running errands?

 But Patton doesn't think he is.  
 He hopes anyway.

  
 Patton started the process of running his own business. He had to start hiring new and rehiring the people his father had let go, he also offered to let his friends stay there instead of stay out on the street.

 He still hasn't seen Logan.  
He called the veterinary clinic and animal shelter to see if he was there but he wasn't.  
 Where is Logan?

 Patton has a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

 When he reached for his glasses earlier, he didn't notice the piece of paper he accidentally knocked down.

 Until later that night when he pushed his glasses off of the side of the table by mistake. He got up carefully reaching around until he found them. He slipped them on his nose when he saw a sheet of notebook paper.

 He picked it up carefully.  
_"Dear Patton,_

_I wanted to say this in person, you don't understand how much I hate myself for doing it this way, but I couldn't stand to see you cry again. I'm so sorry, Patton. I love you so much and that's why I'm doing this. In your words, it's going to be okay. I promise. It may not seem like it now, but it'll work out in the end. Patton, I hope you understand. I really really do. You have no reason to ever forgive me but please understand. I can't cause you harm. I can't let you get hurt on my behalf. I'm so so sorry. I love you, Patton._

_-Logan"_

 

Patton read over it again. Then again. Then again and again until his vision was too blurred from tears.

 He took in a shuttering gasp of air, trying to get his breathing under control to no avail.

 No, no, no, no. No! Why is this happening? How could this happen? Patton loves him. Patton _loves him_. He's in love. He knows they haven't been together long or even known each other long but this was love. Patton was in love. He's still in love.

 He'll always love him.

-

 Logan let the tears stream down his now livid face, not even trying to stop them.

 He sat there on the plane, his seat, which what would have been comically, getting kicked. 

 Beside him was a burly guy with no hair on his head. At least he was minding his business.

 In Logan's hand was the acceptance letter from last night. An acceptance letter -this time with a scholarship- in a different state. It must have been fate, right? Now Logan's heading to California, he's surprised he even got in.

 "What you cryin' about? Some girl leave you?" Spoke too soon.

 Logan attempted to wipe his eyes when the man scoffed. "Don't worry 'bout it. I already seen you wailin' like a baby. She's a bitch, ignore her." If only that were the truth. By that definition Logan would be the bitch. Damn he's a horrible boyfriend- _ex boyfriend_ he reminds himself. Him and Patton never even took a picture together. He has a lot of regrets but he knows this is for the best.

 They're already in the air so he unbuckles, muttering something about stretching his legs.

 "You'll forget about her soon enough! We're off to sunny California. Won't take ya long to find some new tail."

 For selfish reasons, Logan hopes that's true.

 

 And eventually, it is.

 

 Logan didn't go sleeping around the second he landed, he was there for a reason. He was there to go to college. For school. To be a teacher. And he did that, he accomplished that. He just happened to get a girlfriend along the way.

  They took things slow and eventually Logan was ready to move on, although he never did connect with her like he had with Patton. He liked her and he cared about her but it just wasn't right.

 

 Logan eventually graduated, top of his class and he began his career. Life seemed to be shaping up.

 

 Then his girlfriend wound up pregnant.

 And they fought leading to them breaking up. But she didn't want the baby. Logan did. She agreed to go through the pregnancy if she didn't have to raise it, leaving Logan an immediate single father.

 Logan's class had been discussing Aeneid when he learned he'd be a father, which is where his son's namesake came from. 

Virgil.

 

 Virgil was born in the spring of 1999. He is absolutely adorable. The light of his life. 

 Life went well for the first two years of Virgil's young life, but then two planes crashed into the World Trade Center, a third one hitting the Pentagon, and the last hitting a field and Logan was done. He packed up everything to his name and went back home to Florida, taking Virgil with him.

-

  When Logan first went back to Coffee Dreams he was so glad to see it still standing. He was even more happy to see Patton behind the counter alive and well, smiling at customers and nodding along to whatever was being said.

 He held Virgil's tiny hand, bending down a little to be able to reach him. They walked through, the bell signaling their arrival.

 Without turning his head away from what he was writing down, Patton called out. "Welcome to Coffee Dreams! How may I help you?" 

Logan tried not to let emotion clog his voice. "I've had a horrible day. Can I please get a café mélange?"

The barista nodded his head, setting a togo cup down. "Anything else?"

 Logan took a breath. "Actually, yes, do you have any apple turnovers?"

 Patton froze.

 He slowly tilted his head to the side and his eyes grew wide, immediately filling with tears.

 "L.. Logan?" He whispered.

 Logan nodded his head, he was ready to be met with screaming, anger, anything. He knows he deserves it.

 "Logan." Patton says his name again, sounding as if unable to process it. He calls an employee over to cover for him while he talks to 'an old friend'.

 A young woman with a baby carrier on took his place and Patton moved out from behind the counter.

 "Logan? What are you doing here? I thought- I thought... Can we talk somewhere more private?" The small child hiding behind Logan just caught his attention. "AW! Who's this little guy? Hey, kiddo, what's your name?"

 Virgil answered only by hiding even more.

 "Yeah, let's go somewhere more private." Logan agreed. "I'll introduce you two there." 

-

  They now stood in Patton's office. It's odd, seeing as the last time Logan was in the office it was Patton's father's.

 Logan wasn't sure where to begin. How was he?

_"Oh, hey, sorry I ditched you seven years ago but I'm back! And I have a kid! How are you?"_

Yeah.. I don't think so.

  Lucky for Logan, Patton struck up the conversation. "Who's this cutie? He kinda looks like-" He stopped and looked up at Logan's face before glancing back down and back up.

 Logan took a deep breath.

 "This is Virgil. My son." 

 Patton's facial expression changed but eventually he formed a small smile before turning towards the toddler. "Hey, Virgil. Do you like cookies? Can he have a cookie?" He turned back up to Logan who nodded his head.

 "Alright, great! Hold on just one second, I'll be right back." He left the two there to return to Virgil asking his daddy who is that man.

 "He's Daddy's old friend."

 "Yeah! I'm your ol' pop's friend. Here you go, Virgil. Cookies! I brought chocolate chip ones because I'm not sure if you have any allergies..?"

 "Only cat allergies."

 "Alright, yay! That means you can have any cookies you want! As long as your dad says it's okay first, of course."

 Virgil turned to gaze up at his dad. "Daddy, can I pwease have the cookies? "

 "Yes, I suppose you can but we have to eat healthy tonight. Now what do you say to Patton?"

 Virgil already had cookie stuffed in his little mouth so he gave out a half-muffled/half-mumbled 'thank you, Patton' before going back to chewing his food.

 The two men smiled down at Logan's son.

 "So, where have you been?" Patton asked the inevitable.

 "California. I got a scholarship there and I just.. I'm so sorry."

 Patton gave a small smile and shook his head.

 Logan's heart broke. He thought the worse. Patton doesn't want anything to do with him. He messed up. 

 "Logan, it's okay. I forgive you."

  Logan hadn't expected that. He was expecting yelling and fighting and an overall miserable meeting. He expected having to leave and explain to Virgil why Daddy had just gotten yelled at by a stranger, but now he doesn't. 

Patton's okay.

This just makes Logan's heart hurt even worse.

 "But. Patton, I left. I'm so horrible. I-I-I just didn't want you to get hurt like I did. I was trying to protect you because I figured your physical safety was better than your mental health. I'm so sorry, Patton. Please let me make it up to you."

 Patton just sat and listened, nodding along until Logan was finished.

 He quirked a smile.

 "I thought of something you can do to repay me."

 Logan lifted his head in attention. 

 "Why don't you and Virgil spend the night? Unless you have a place to stay but I figured the apartment would be nicer than some hotel but if it's overstepping boundaries I understand and oh, I'm rambling."

 Logan looked into his pleading eyes, considering it.

 "I'll even cook that way Virgil can have a healthy dinner, it'll be better than fast food." 

 "Okay, yes, we'll spend the night and go from there. How about it, Virgil? Do you want to have a sleepover at Patton's tonight? I hear he has a really big Disney collection, maybe if you're polite and ask he'll let you watch some movies."

 Virgil gasped, "Can I? Pwease?" 

 Patton smiled. "Of course you can, kiddo."

-

  That night Patton and Logan cooked dinner together, catching up on what happened all these years. Patton excited to hear that Logan has a job interview coming up for a high school teaching position, Logan relieved to hear the coffee shop is doing even better than it ever has. He also noticed Patton has the same electric sign hanging in the window of it, earlier.

 Them watching Virgil be completely caught up in the TV set.

 "He's so cheerful." Patton noted.

 Logan nodded his head. "I hope he always stays this way."

 

 They had a Disney Marathon, Virgil really took a liking to the Lion King letting Logan and Patton get punched in the feelings, until Logan announced it was Virgil's bedtime.

 Despite telling them they can have his bed for the night, Logan declined and insisted they'd be fine on the couch.

 Once Logan was ready for bed, Patton asked if they'd want to maybe get breakfast tomorrow which Logan whole heartedly agreed to.

 As Patton turned to head down the hallway, Logan called out.

 "Good nitrogen."

 Patton flashed Logan a smile. "Sleep titrogen."

 "Don't let the bed bugs bitrogen."

 "Sleep good, Logan." _I love you._

 "You too, Patton." _I love you._

 -

  _Two years later._

 Lawrence v. Texas went down.

The Court struck down the sodomy law in Texas in a 6–3 decision and, by extension, got rid of sodomy laws in 13 other states, making same-sex sexual activity legal in every U.S. state and territory. 

It's now legal to be gay.

At this point Logan and Patton had been trying to keep a distance, but not in the way Logan had done years prior. They remained such close friends that no one blinked an eye when Patton would pick Virgil up from preschool if Logan was busy, or how Virgil got to color in a booth at Coffee Dreams while his daddy worked on grading papers.

  They got so used to not labeling themselves as boyfriends that they didn't really do much once they could be actual boyfriends. Almost nothing changed for them, except the sense of euphoria knowing that they couldn't be taken away for anything. Although they still faced daily threats if someone got the wrong idea.

 Patton and Logan had quick kisses when something emotional fell over them, but once they knew it became legal they couldn't help but kiss. Virgil seeing them but he didn't pay any mind to it. 

 

Life really was shaping up now, wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to sit here and see if someone noticed the Easter egg I planted in here.
> 
> Also I have no idea when the final update will be out. Guess we'll all be surprised.


	14. The word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."-Carl Jung  
> ~  
>  __ **Patton & Logan  
> **  
>  _You are invited._  
>  https://www.villasiena.cc/assets/gallery/reception/05-%20Small%20Indoor%20Wedding%20Reception.jpg  
> https://www.elegantweddinginvites.com/wedding-blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/wedding-photo-ideas-to-remember-loved-ones-at-wedding-day.jpg  
> https://thumb9.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/3021659/590577092/stock-photo-gay-couple-holding-hands-on-their-wedding-day-590577092.jpg  
> https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.newyorkweddingring.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2017%2F02%2F850-Sapphire-Swirl-Platinum-Same-Sex-Wedding-Rings-Gay.jpg&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.newyorkweddingring.com%2Fsame-sex-wedding-rings%2F&docid=6M_St-uvtS1l-M&tbnid=yrAZApvYqevggM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwilmfLh4tDZAhVJ6YMKHQmOA00QMwilAigEMAQ..i&w=850&h=565&bih=654&biw=1366&q=gay%20wedding%20bands&ved=0ahUKEwilmfLh4tDZAhVJ6YMKHQmOA00QMwilAigEMAQ&iact=mrc&uact=8

**18** _**years later. Present Day. Virgil, age 22. Roman, age 21.** _

 

 "Wait. Are you telling me Roman was the baby and the woman was his mother?" Virgil asked, wondering why he never remembered them.

 "Well, you probably have no recollection of him because you tended to stay to yourself, Virgil. You were not a very friendly child." Logan teased.

 Roman fake gasped, his hand clutching his chest. "Are you telling me we could have been dating  _this whole time_  had Virgil just spoken to me earlier on?"

 Virgil rolled his eyes. "Or you could have confronted me, Princey. I had to pay you to talk to me."

 "Yeah? Well if you remember correctly,  _Eeyore_ ,  _I_  bought _your_  drink. So really _I_  paid  _you_." Roman moved his head animatedly causing Virgil to mock him which left them bickering humorously much to the newly weds' delight.

_Speaking of..._

"Alright, alright, that's enough you two. You bicker more than the actual old married couple." Patton quipped, taking a sip of his champagne. "Speaking of.. When are you two going to tie the knot?"

 The young couple shared a blush. They have been dating for three years now. "Well, it is  _your_  wedding and that'd be pretty crappy for us to announce our engagement."

 Logan raised his brows. " _Our?_  As in, it all ready happened?"

 Virgil smiled, glancing down, before he looked back up and raised his hand out.

 "... Maybe." 

 Patton squealed as Logan's face broke into shocked but pleased expression.

 Roman gave them a look. "I tried to get him to tell you guys weeks ago when it happened but-"

 "WEEKS AGO? AW!" Patton cried. "How did it happen? Where? When?"

 "On Valentine's Day, actually. At Disney World, in front of Cinderella's castle. Roman managed to get most the crew to be there and he even dressed up like a prince. It was  _so embarrassing._  "

 _"And_  romantic. You loved it."

 "I love  _you._ That's why I deal with all your shenanigans and sudden epiphanies."

 "You heard it here first, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance is officially romantic enough to join me and be  _Mr.-_ " 

 "Hey, now, I never said I'd take your last name."

 "And you don't have to, as long as you remember it when we do wedding invitations. Eventually. But for now, this day is about Logan and Patton!." Roman raised his champagne flute, prompting the others to as well.

 "We've been together for so many years, instead of the Wedding March the organist should have played the Hallelujah Chorus." Patton exclaimed causing the small group to erupt into laughter.

 "Cheers to the happily married couple." Virgil supplied with a smile.

 "And to the future happily married couple." Logan clinked his glass, "So have you thought about children, yet?" He punctuated with a sip.

 "LOGAN!" Patton exclaimed, lightly smacking his husband's arm. 

 Logan shrugged, a slight smirk on his face. "What? I want grandchildren."

 "Yeah! What about it? Don't you want to be Daddy Virgil?" Roman winked causing Virgil to choke on his drink. His fiancé patted his back to help ease the coughing fit.

 

  The rest of the evening was spent laughing, smiling, being filled with joy, and planning for the future.

 

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __**Virgil & Roman  
> **  
>  _Engagement ring ___  
> https://www.stepheneinhorn.co.uk/times-square-4-engagement-wedding-ring-set-platinum-certified-princess-cut-diamond-hvs1.asp?pc2=J1%2D803  
> 


End file.
